Have you ever had a conversation with someone and then wondered ‘What just happened!?’ It’s a great question, and glib answers don’t help much. In all the relationships and events of our lives, there’s one common and complicated factor: us. There’s a lot going on in our heads, and we often have trouble understanding ourselves and how we affect other people. Being self-aware isn’t easy—it’s hard to step outside of an event and see what was really going on, both inside and outside ourselves. And yet self-awareness is vital in every relationship we have. The more self-aware, the better.
Caroline Spencer has done us a great service by writing this clear and simple guide to a process of self-reflection—a way to pause and understand events and interactions with people, and what we might learn about ourselves and others. The wisdom in Getting Over Yourself can help us answer that very important question, ‘What just happened?’
—Al Stewart, Former National Director, Fellowship of Independent Evangelical Churches Australia
Caroline Spencer has written a valuable book, enriched by life experience and years of working to refine a tool for self-reflection with adult students. She clarifies that this tool, based on seeing self in relationships, is not a feel-good self-help tool but takes the reader on a journey of improved self-awareness and humility through conscious reflection. Caroline paves the way for people to reduce subjective ruminations and instead learn from observable facts. Her examples show how freeing this exercise is. It gets beyond the default of blaming others, enabling us to get over our pride and learn how to bring one’s best to others. This is about serving others without losing self-responsibility—a key to Bowen family systems. In Caroline’s sources, she acknowledges God imprinting his wisdom on the world as part of common grace. I am glad this accessible book has come to fruition, as I have no doubt it will be helpful to many.
—Jenny Brown, Author of Growing Yourself Up: How to bring your best to all of life’s relationships
Ministry is both a privilege and dangerous. It is expected that ministers will give of themselves, and ministers and their congregations may believe their responses to each other are always pure and theologically sound. But we are all complex people, defending deeply held convictions we may not be aware of and behaviors we don’t even notice. Getting Over Yourself is most welcome as it challenges these dangerous assumptions. Caroline Spencer has deep insight into how people in general, and ministers in particular, ‘tick’. Armed with deep theoretical insights, she simply and helpfully shows you how to self-reflect better and more deeply, and then guides you into doing it yourself. The outcome is hugely beneficial for both the reflector and those for whom they seek to care. I have found this book to be so valuable that it is now the set reading for our college students. But because everyone will benefit from self-reflection, I commend it to anyone desiring to better understand what is going on for them.
—Archie Poulos, Head, Ministry Department, Moore Theological College
We’re all ‘works in progress’, but often it feels like we’re going nowhere. We repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Caroline Spencer’s Getting Over Yourself offers a fresh way to break this cycle. By reading this book, and trying out the excellent practical suggestions, we can become more and more like the Christian servants we want to be.
—Sam Chan, Head trainer and mentor, EvQ school of evangelism, City Bible Forum
