Generation Ex

As a child of ‘Generation Ex’, I was very grateful for Karen Beilharz’s article on the impact of divorce on children—even adult children. It was insightful and practically pastoral. I especially appreciated her honesty about her own reactions and struggles, and the salutary warning she provides to parents (even Christian ones) who might be tempted to think it is better for children to have ‘happy’ parents who are divorced rather than unhappy parents in a miserable marriage. As she rightly points out, the Lord hates divorce.

And in light of that, there was one word in the article I want to question: the word ‘necessary’. I know there are various views about divorce held by Christians, but my reading of the passages referenced (Matt 5:31-32, 19:9, 1 Cor 7:12-15) is not that they teach that “sometimes divorce or separation is necessary”, but that they are permissible, albeit as a tragic accommodation for the sinful hearts of men and women. The difference is substantial: if something is necessary, it must happen; if it is permissible, it might happen—when all other avenues of rehabilitation and reconciliation have been exhausted.

Divorce permanently closes a door—a door we should be encouraging our brothers and sisters (and ourselves) to be very slow to close, not only because we believe in a God who can raise the dead, but because it does not close the door on the problems of the marriage; it simply moves them into a different complex of relationships—as Karen’s article so well explains.

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