The letter reprinted below was passed onto us by a Sydney Curate, who alleges it was written by a high-ranking Australian denominational official. While entertaining some doubts as to the document’s authenticity, we thought it worth publishing as a cri de coeur…
…And to your question about how we should train our denominational ministers. It is not an easy question and no system can hope to be perfect. However, there is one system that has stood the test of time and that we have found to work admirably: the “Training by Alienation” model.
Now that is not its official name, merely an apt description. “Alienation”, as dear old Karl Marx defined it is: “estrangement from or powerlessness in society and the depersonalisation of the individual in large and bureaucratic institutions”. Plainly, this is the kind of thing we should be seeking to achieve in training our future leaders.
This is how it works.
By the time most people seek training in the ministry they have become encumbered by too many relationships, especially if they are part of that subset of candidates that have been actively engaged in Christian service. Naturally this is not good, and these relationships have to go. We have found that the most effective way to do this is to keep the trainee on the move. By shunting him (and very occasionally her) from congregation to congregation, he is able to acquire the gift of relating superficially, and he soon learns the art of breaking relationships before they become burden somely meaningful. Of course, an essential adjunct to this strategy is to keep the candidate as busy as is humanly possible so that idleness may not tempt him back into the world of what he foolishly assumes are ‘real people’.
Backing all this up with instruction from fellows already well versed in the model really puts the icing on the cake. We’ve conducted a number of day seminars on topics such as “The error of intruding personality into ministry”, “How to ensure your difference from the Ordinary Christian”, “The Congregation cannot minister to the minister” and “God wants you to be loyal to your Denomination”.
All this has yielded a pleasing crop of well-alienated ministers. Mind you, one can’t leave one’s ministers totally alienated. (This could lead to a dangerous loss of control.) Everyone needs something to cling to, and the obvious choice for such a constant is, of course, the Denomination itself. For the thoroughly alienated minister we can provide security and identity (not to mention tenure, career advancement based on seniority, and superannuation) . It is the least we can do.
If you’re after a loyal Denominational servant there is really no going past our “Training by Alienation” model (if one can be so immodest) . The end result is the right kind of minister: one that is not too chummy and comfortable with his congregation, who is happy to maintain the status quo and who doesn’t get too het up wanting to convert the world. In other words, a minister who has left behind the rather immature ideals he may have had when he first sought training for the ministry.
Occasionally there is some grumbling in the ranks. A few mavericks slip through the net and carry on about “loyalty to the gospel of Christ” and “the priority of the local congregation” and the “prophetic cutting edge” (sounds nasty, don’t you think) . One fellow even suggested that the denomination should be “in constant reformation”. Who does he think he is? Martin Luther?
He will soon learn that our Lord’s words were true: “You cannot serve two masters”…
